May 1, 2022.

Yesterday we looked at boundaries with close family and the day before that we looked at boundaries with ourselves. Today let’s talk about boundaries with friends and acquaintances. In many aspects, boundaries with close friends specifically can be similar to those with close family however there are a few differences. We will mostly focus on those.

What might make setting boundaries with friends difficult?

There is a certain level of familiarity that is enjoyed in a friendship, which is different from family members. If you are really close, your friends know you very well. Majority of the time, we tend to be more tolerating with our friends than we would with other people. Often there are things friends can do that we would not allow a stranger to do. This can be a grey area since sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you wouldn’t let a stranger do something because you don’t want anyone doing that at all or it’s because they haven’t earned that trust yet. That’s where you have to be clear in order for you to know whether that is a boundary you should also set with your friends.

Yesterday morning I was listening to an interview with Mel Robbins in which she shared that as we grow up, our environments and family train us on what to put up with. Thus, when people say you train them how to treat you, it means essentially people are comfortable doing things to you that you show them you will put with. This is great because at any time you can decide not to allow certain treatment. Being conditioned to put up with something doesn’t mean you want people treating you that way. I would encourage you to reflect on this. What have you been tolerating in your close social circle? Are you ok with it, or would you like to establish some boundaries in that area?

Why are boundaries important?

As humans we are constantly growing and evolving. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago or even 1 year ago. I am sure this is true for you as well.  If a relationship is to make it far, boundaries must be respected throughout that growth in addition to acceptance and unconditional love. Friends must also be willing to accept that your boundaries may change as you evolve. If the relationship started off with mutual respect of boundaries, the changes that come about with growth will not pose an issue. Your social circle has an impact on your emotional and mental health. It also influences your career trajectory and financial income although this is more indirect. It’s important to maintain respectful boundaries for your health in these areas.

Enforcing Boundaries

As mentioned in the two previous reflections, boundaries become real when enforced. Because friends are usually the same age and there aren’t any power dynamics at play as there would with family or at work, communicating boundaries is easier with friends from personal experience. One thing to note is that we can fall into the trap of assuming something is implied and obvious because we think friends know us well. Make sure you have communicated your boundaries clearly. If they care about you, they will respect them. If they don’t listen to you, rethink the relationship. 

Question of the day:

  • Are there certain areas that I need to set boundaries for my close friends?

Comment your thoughts and share with a friend that might benefit from reading this!