May 27, 2022.
During summer 2020, I chatted with one of the engineers who worked where I was interning at the time. He said something that was so interesting and until this day I remember it. I have used this advice to analyze people’s communicating styles and learned that in order to communicate with someone effectively there are certain things you have to do.
What the engineer said
I asked him, “I noticed the way you communicate made me feel as though you knew me already and I noticed that you are a leader here without a formal title. Could you share how you do that?” He responded, “when you approach someone, don’t impose your communication style on them. Analyze them to see how they communicate. That way you are able to lead them because you are speaking a language they understand.” I wondered how many people do this. Have you ever met someone who you instantly connected with? You have different experiences, nothing in common but you feel like they understand you? I think that’s what these people are doing. Have you also met people who felt difficult to talk to? You just couldn’t tell what the issue was, but the conversation felt uncomfortable. These people are usually overbearing in conversation. I realized that the engineer’s insight made all the difference.
Why this is important
At the back of our heads, we are constantly asking questions such as: does this person understand me, and why should I listen to them? If you match someone’s communication styles, then they have an answer to question 1. Once they answer yes, they open up, and are more willing to listen to you. Something else happens. They start to match your communication style and eventually you reach a common ground.
How communication styles develop and how to recognize them
We develop communication styles from the people we associate with. Because we have some level of understanding, there tends to be some situations that become obvious and implied. These areas are what make people’s communication styles different and what affects how someone will understand you when you speak. In order for you to learn to recognize different communication styles, you need to converse with many different people.
I noticed that I have a tendency of giggling after saying certain things, and it’s usually obvious to people I associate with why I’m giggling. However, I realized one day that someone felt uncomfortable, and I immediately developed the habit of explicitly saying why I am laughing. I do this especially when I am around someone who might not know. I always say “I am giggling because ABC ” instead of assuming that it’s obvious for this person. Imagine you are saying something, and someone just starts giggling and they assume you know why. It causes communication discord. Communication styles includes the type of topics you tend to gravitate towards. It also includes how you invite everyone into a conversation and whether you assume everyone should feel comfortable saying something or you actively make sure everyone feels comfortable.
Questions of the day:
- What is my communication style and those that I hang around with?
- What are some ways that I could decrease communication discord?
Comment your thoughts and share with a friend who might benefit from reading this!