May 3, 2022.
This is a topic that is dear to my heart, and I think about it all the time. Perhaps you have experienced this before – the guilt that comes when you realize your life doesn’t look the way it used to and maybe you have outperformed people that were around you when you were growing up. It’s a feeling that if left unchecked can act as a leash. As humans we should progress. Therefore, your future shouldn’t look like your past at all regardless of the fact that other people stayed in the same place or not. In fact, if you succeed, it opens a gateway for everyone else.
Subtle ways people are pressured into maintaining proximity with their past
We want to fit in and be accepted by family and friends. Sometimes family and friends will make comments such as ” you act different now that you have…,” or “now you are too cool for us…,” or “you have adopted the way of….” I have gotten the “you act American now…” way too often and it’s usually not a compliment. If it’s a financial change you might get comments such “you act too extravagant spending money on…” and this comment is usually in disapproval with a layer of shaming. Whilst you might laugh in the moment, it enters your subconscious mind and can lead to self-sabotage. The discomfort you felt when the comments were being made manifests as not wanting to be too successful so that you still have that sense of belonging. You may end up attaching your identity to your past, and as we know the mind always wants to maintain consistency between your identity and your reality. How this happens is that life might be going well and then you start gradually falling back to where you started, either by not believing you deserve it or making choices that slow down your progress.
So, what should you do?
Decide what you want in life. Understand that as you work on yourself, some people will have to be left behind. If they also want to level up and keep up, then you can continue to run together. Most importantly you need to protect your mindset by not allowing people to pull you back. In most cases, you will have to limit interactions. You should also be observant of people’s intentions when they make comments about how far removed you are from the past. Is it in congratulations or do they want to slow you down, so that they don’t feel as bad about their situations? As mentioned in the reflection, Guard this Jealously, it’s important to always protect your belief in yourself. This also encompasses your belief in how deserving you are of success. Let me be the one to tell you right now – you are deserving of everything you have imagined and wanted. It doesn’t matter where you came from or what people say you are destined for.
Question of the day:
- What area of my life am I holding back in order to continue fitting in with my past environment?
Comment your thoughts and share with a friend who might benefit from reading this!