May 9, 2022.
Everyone has at least one big mistake that aroused strong, negative emotions such as embarrassment, fear, or guilt. Whatever it is, it’s normal and natural. Today I want to address something that we are all subconsciously aware of but have been conditioned not to see – we learn faster when we make mistakes than when we don’t. There is a neurological reason for this. This means denying yourself the chance to make mistakes weakens a certain mechanism in the brain that augments learning. I confess that I am one of those people that had a fear of making mistakes and I still feel it, but I have learned to ignore it. At the end, I will share how I learned to brush it aside and maybe you can take a few points or two with you!
People tend to see a mistake as the less grave version of failure. Failure is often seen as such a big event and sometimes seems like the end of the world. In this reflection, I use them interchangeably because I think that the ideas shared below apply to both. If you’ve been in any formal education program from elementary all the way to college, you will remember how often we were discouraged, even punished for making mistakes. This is why formal education fails to prepare students fully for the real world.
Why you should allow yourself to fail/make mistakes
I read research from Psychologist Jason Moser on neural mechanisms that occur when mistakes are made. I learned that synapses fire when one makes a mistake, which shows learning is occurring since a synapse is an electrical signal moving between parts of the brain when you learn something. They also showed that mistakes actually make the brain grow. I don’t know about you, but I want my brain to be bigger. From a psychological perspective, when you’ve made a mistake, the element of surprise when you realize the error makes the lesson memorable. Have you ever noticed that if you make a mistake, the chances of you repeating it are very low? When you deny yourself this opportunity, you are also making it harder to detect errors, and to cope with the emotions that come with it in the future. You will also notice that when you accept mistakes as a normal part of life, you create a mistake friendly environment for everyone. You may have encountered people who make you feel like you are walking on eggshells when you are around them. Chances are those people don’t allow themselves to fail and so everyone around them is afraid to mess up. Doesn’t that feel uncomfortable?
The mental exercise I do to get over fear of mistakes/failure
Failure is never the end. In fact, it is the beginning of a new moment in time in which you are more knowledgeable and are aware of what not to do. One technique I have been doing to get over the emotions of failing or making mistakes is to remind myself of a mistake I made in the past that either taught me a lesson that is serving me well now or that is funny in hindsight.
Do this exercise with me. Get a piece of paper and a pen, and answer the following questions:
- In the last 5-year period, what’s one mistake you’ve made that taught you a lesson that you are grateful for?
- What’s one failure or mistake that’s funny now that you look back?
- Now reflect on what emotions you felt at the time when you made the mistake. Do you still feel the same emotions when you think back to the incident?
Why does this exercise work?
By writing down the answers to these questions, you are calling to mind an incident that you are now removed from and you are training your mind to remember that a mistake now will be a lesson or a joke later. In addition, next time you make a mistake and these emotions come up, you will recognize them as a natural response to mistakes that you have which can allow you to disassociate from them. Every time I fail or make a mistake and feel negative emotions, I do this exercise mentally. I will say this to myself “remember the time when… and you realized…you got through it didn’t you? Same thing this time.” Sometimes the situations are more intense and so I have to keep reminding myself until the emotions settle down.
Question of the day:
- How can I create a mistake-friendly environment for myself and others?
Comment your thoughts and share with a friend who might benefit from reading this!