May 22, 2022.
Have you ever achieved a goal you set for yourself only to fall back into your past self after a while? You may have heard people say, “identity is a thermostat.” Today I am going to reflect on what that means and how that can manifest as self-sabotage.
Whether you pay attention to it or not, your identity controls the quality of your life. It’s essentially a mental picture of who you are, what your worth is and what you believe you deserve. Part of the identity is controlled by deep-rooted subconscious beliefs. What usually occurs when you set your goals is that you may be highly motivated and disciplined enough to follow a plan. You can reach your goal as a result; however, your identity remains the same as when you decided to change. Eventually you will find yourself back where you started.
Examples: How differences between goals and identity turns into self-sabotage
Example 1:
Maybe you decide that you want to get in shape, and you sign up for a program. You change your diet, and you reach your body goals. A year down the line you realize you are out of shape again. You might be in a worse off situation than when you started. What happened? You still identify as the person who is out of shape. To maintain the new goal, you have to identify as someone who is fit. This means your brain shouldn’t think the changes in diet were just to get fit. It should register it as that’s who you are. It means certain things become nonnegotiable once you change your identity to that.
Example 2:
You make a goal to improve your lifestyle. You get a job, and it’s in a higher income bracket than your previous job. Sometime down the line, you start to feel like you do not deserve the job. Your attitude changes, you second guess yourself, and make mistakes more than usual. Eventually you lose your job and decide to take a lower paying job. What happened? Your identity was not tuned to the environment you entered. You self-sabotaged until you removed yourself from it.
Identity is a compass for your mind
Your identity is a compass for your mind. It determines what you tolerate and don’t tolerate, who you date or don’t date, what situations you are willing to partake in, the people you are willing to associate with, where you are willing to live, and what lines you are willing to cross. And here is the key thing that most people miss – your mind always wants to maintain consistency between your outward environment and your internal environment. If you write down goals, make sure internally you have changed as well. This is why people say identity is a thermostat. If your outward environment is not aligned with your internal view, your mind will make the necessary shifts to bring you back. Unfortunately, this is often a negative change. Achieving goals is easy, maintaining them is hard. The only way to maintain goals is to create lifelong habits that match those goals. Making those habits automatic only works if the habits are consistent with your identity. You want to put yourself in autopilot as soon as possible. You have to breathe those habits.
Setting goals successfully
Before you draw up your goals or new year’s resolution, get clear on who you are and how you identify. This will take observing yourself closely. What habits do you currently have? What thoughts do you often think? Now decide who you want to be. Once you know that, then you can draw up your goals list, which outlines how you will get there. Your goals should be your plan and are created after you’ve decided what the identity shift is!
Question of the day:
- What’s one area in my life that I want to improve?
- What is my current identity in that area?
- What do I want to change my identity to?
- What goals and habits would align with this?
Comment your thoughts and share with a friend who might benefit from reading this!