Questions, Questions, Questions

May 8, 2022.

You may have heard the saying, “the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions.” Through reflection, I found that there are certain questions that are disempowering leading to low motivation and negative emotions. Good thing is there are questions that are also empowering. I find it helpful to ask questions in place of definitive statements. For example, instead of saying “I can’t possibly do this,” you could ask, “has anyone ever done this and how did they overcome the challenges I am facing right now?” Or you could ask, “who could offer me advice to ensure I can do this?” Or you could ask, “is there a different approach I should be trying?” By asking questions you have literally changed your mindset from limitation to possibility. If I have had the privilege of interacting with you in the past, you would know that I ask more questions than I give my opinion and here’s why:

Why I like asking questions and why you should too

My reasons are that I am curious, I also recognize I don’t know everything, and my own perspective is one way of seeing things. Sometimes it’s because my introversion has kicked in and I am fine with the other person speaking for the rest of the conversation. I like to ask questions because I learn about other topics, and I also learn about how different people think through paying attention to their communication style and responses. I have also learned that everyone is fascinating and am often awed by various people’s perspectives and passions. Asking questions is the least expensive thing in the world and it opens up a door where someone feels heard and seen.

A discomfort to overcome

Most people including myself might be careful not to sound too nosy or invasive about people’s lives. In the past I used to feel uncomfortable asking people to elaborate on their emotion’s or why they felt a certain way. I eventually learned from experience that people want to share these things and just need someone to ask them. In fact, in my Wellness Coaching training, we were taught to identify people’s emotions and point them out as a way to create a space where they can share. For example, one could say, “it seems that you feel ABC,” and I have seen more sighs of relief from the other person after saying this. People just want to be seen. If you feel a question might make someone uncomfortable, you can preface by saying, “you don’t have to answer this question if you don’t want to or are uncomfortable.”

Questions to avoid

Why me?

This is the most disempowering question you can ever ask yourself. Every time I asked myself this question, I was met with a series of bad luck moments. Call it negative manifestation if you will. I learned not to ask this question the hard way.

What if [negative event] happens?

If something negative hasn’t happened, try not to create it in your mind by using this question. Focus on the present. Of course, you should plan for emergencies, but don’t rehearse a whole movie of catastrophe in your head.

What’s wrong with me?

Another disempowering question. Nothing is wrong with you. You can make mistakes, fail, choose wrong decisions but all those things aren’t you and have nothing to do with anything being wrong with you. With the right skills and knowledge, you can make any failure work for you!

Questions of the day:

• What disempowering questions am I asking myself?
• How can I change that question to be more loving and empowering?

Comment your thoughts and share with a friend who might benefit from hearing this!